Today was my first day back after a wonderful winter break. I normally never take vacation time from Christmas through New Years, but since I had the leave, and I didn’t have the patience, I decided to treat myself with the time off. I meant to be productive, to create things, to clean things, and more, but I didn’t. I did a bit of cleaning and organizing, but other than that, I spent my days off reading, beer, family time, and daydreaming.
Those day dreams are no longer, and I’ve gone back to work. I was just as bored there today, as I was before I left. This boredom, in turn, got me to thinking…what I am doing, again? I wanted to use to use the winter break and my time off to think about some things, but I suppose I avoided those “things” like the plague. I wanted to create my vision board full of the things I hope to accomplish this year and beyond, and when I went to start, I felt like I couldn’t think straight. I got annoyed that I couldn’t figure out what I wanted, so I said fuck it. Every thing I thought of was something I liked to do, rather than something I wanted to accomplish. They were activities not goals. I was supposed to create goals, right? Well, what were they? Do I even know?
I feel like I have so many interests and so many things I want to do that I can’t narrow a few down into a career. I feel like deep in there is an entrepreneurial spirit, and the desire to create a name for myself, even on the most basic level. I think instead of me trying to focus my scatterbrain all over the place, on too many things at once, I will explore each one as deeply as I can, so I can say, “Yes I want to keep doing this” or “I don’t like this so much, but I’ve learned a lot.” I realize that I am driven, but unfocused, and I think that I’m going to add “Sorting through the mind clutter” to one of my 2012 goals. I’ll tuck that right under the “take care of self” goal. The fact that I sat down long enough to get my thoughts out in this post is amazing.