"If I knew then, what I know now…."

“I wouldn’t have had my little accident”

Regret. The most annoying, nagging, mother-in-law-like emotion someone can feel. I would like to say that I am one of those people who are daring enough to tell a bold faced lie, proclaiming, “I don’t regret anything, ” But I’m not. Fuck those people- they are lying.

Everyone regrets something. Everyone has something that if they could do it over again, they would take the chance to do it differently, even if it is something small that would change the course of their life. I wish I would have traveled more. I wish I would have enjoyed my college years more, and maybe differently than I actually did ( not everything, just some things).I wouldn’t have let so many people scare me into thinking my plan wouldn’t work, to the point where I rebelled against them and THEN messed up just as they expected. I would have realized a little sooner that it is ok to make mistakes and not have been fearful of learning my right path by taking the wrong one.

If I could tell my ten year younger self something, it would be something like this.

Crystal,

You are a stubborn as a mule. And you are a dreamer. These two things should make for a great combination when reaching for your goals- don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you can’t accomplish something. Remember what is is you always loved and always wanted to be, and chase after it until you are breathless. Don’t let anyone derail you- not friends, family, boyfriends, or educators- no one. Things are not always going to be easy, so toughen up. Get a thick skin because thinks will suck, and quite often. Don’t fret, because those sucky things will pass. Don’t stay where you feel you don’t belong or aren’t wanted. Sometimes the best company is your own, and you don’t always need someone’s reassurance. You are your biggest critic, so be sure to act as your own cheerleader as well- a lot of people aren’t going to give you the satisfaction of a kind or encouraging word. Don’t become so bitter with those people that you BECOME just like them.

Don’t loose faith in people, and stop wanting to discover who they are. People who breeze into your life will breeze out as quickly as they came. The tried and true will be the same staples in your life no matter what. Disappointment is just apart of life, and you have to just suck it up. Remember that when one door closes, a window often opens in its place. Keep looking out that window until you are ready to climb out. Don’t be scared to take those chances.When you hit a roadblock, climb over it.

There is so much you will love about your life, but it won’t be achieved without some tears, sleepless nights, and fighting. Remember why you are in it. It won’t be all bad. In fact, the good will eventually outweigh it.

Self

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